I definitely do know what you mean, and what the OP describes is definitely on the problematic side of asking for permission she listed off reasons the husband has given that she shouldnt go to this particular place, not reasons why it would be logistically difficult for him or any other rational concerns. Its a very highly policed city. In fact, couples counseling can be a useful path to helping a partner address individual issues that are affecting the partnership. Conversely I dont think Ive ever paid less than $200/night for a business-class hotel in NYC, Austin, LA, etc. -03-2022, 0 Comments Honestly, corporate meetings in Vegas are not the sexfests people think they are. It can feel very cruel to set boundaries and do what you need to do for yourself when it feels like your partner is suffering, but the accommodations are just very temporary band-aids. Ha, my team at Exjob traveled all the time (consultants) and they said the only thing good about it was the FF miles and points. When your income is needed, you can take fewer risks by opting out of stuff at work. Nope. So were you on the east or west side of the Hellmouth? The way I see it, OP, assuming youre not a serial cheater who constantly engages in risky behaviors when your spouse is not standing over you, your husband is either really insecure about your marriage, or really anxious in general. Dude she failed to mention that she hid pictures of her with mail strippers and lied about it and when I seen what pictures she showed me she dressed up better than she ever dresses at home. A 14 hour road trip is long enough, but it's going to be way longer than that with a 3 month old. Inviting him to go might be a stop-gap measure to cover this trip. Meanwhile, Im building a scene in my head where shes been kidnapped and terrible things are happening to her. He was jealous and controlling before we got engaged. It will improve not only this small piece of your relationship, but his whole life. 4. (As a sidenote: my mom has been able to do with with my dad a few times when her travel schedule gets crazy. I have no idea. If this is a regular occurrence, it could be indicative of a larger problem, such as marital strife. There is no amount of structuring my life that would have kept me from feeling anxious. And if you go to Roppongi or Kabuki-cho and get wasted at a sketchy bar, then yeah, turns out you have greatly increased the odds that someone will steal your wallet. Maybe Im wrong. Im handling it by biting the dog that bit me and hes not happy. I have one. I would completely understand if my partner were worried if I needed to go on one of these trips, but if he tried to FORBID me from goingyeah, that wouldnt go well for him. How to convince your partner, husband or wife to travel with you I have serious issues with anxiety and I read it the same way. Can everyone please stop armchair diagnosing? Do the counseling (alone or with him.) Hecalledme, saying thatI acted childish becauseI pushed him totakeme, and Ieavesdropped. By in linseneintopf mit kartoffeln. Do you want to go? Ive had several week-long business trips in CA the last few years and its a non-event. Say to yourself something like, I am not a therapist, and even if I were, it would be unethical and impossible for me to treat someone Im in a relationship with. Theres a lot of pressure on family to be carers and therapists and *everything* someone needs its not possible, its often harmful give yourself permission to skip that mess. He may make it seem like you are choosing your career over your marriage, which of course causes you to feel guilty, but as my good friend said recently youre not choosing your career over him, youre choosing yourself over him. Im trying to take that advice to heart OP, hope you can too! Heres to many years of not feeling needless guilt. Youre in a room all day, you still have to get up and WORK the next morning I go to one every year, and my butt is in bed at 10pm. We also were both active-duty for the first couple years we were together. husband doesn t want to go on family vacationray florets and disc florets are present in 2022.07.03 . It makes me uneasy and I dont want to let her go. And basic woman code of policing your drink would negate that fear. That didnt make me feel better for the Letter Writer. same. We are the City That Never Sleeps, remember? Feel free to point out where I did that. I dont gamble and am not much of a drinker/partier and I thought Vegas was great! I do NOT like it because OMG ALL THE NOISE ALL THE TIME, but I didnt ever feel unsafe. Bucks. It really sounds like your husband is trying to control you. First, thank you so much for sharing your insight. In these instance either hes cheating, Im cheating (not happening), or one of us is crazy. Give yourself at least 45 min for each stop: time to change a diaper, feed, go to the restroom, maybe change a second diaper before you get back on the road. Somehow everyone turns into a sexual predator after dark. If the problem isnt the one everyone jumps on, that means the LW get a lot of useless advice on a problem they dont have. The part about staying on the same team is so, so key, and I hope the OPs husband approaches this as thoughtfully as you have. Anywhere in the USA or abroad. We are individual people, and of course we take each other into account, but ultimately neither of us is the others possession or pet. You have obviously not spent much time in New York City. I dont gamble much. I second Alisons advice that marital counseling is needed. Im just going to share my experience if it doesnt fit, let it roll off your back. But Im not at all confident this is the source of the husbands issues :(. This happens to me at the worst times, like when Im walking home in the evening or when Im doing chores alone around the house I get this feeling like im starting in the opening sequence of whatever creepy procedural I was watching. She comes back with cool stories and we have something to talk about besides work and whats for dinner. Married people travel for work all the time, even to cities with a greater-than-their-fair-share amount of vices around, and they typically behave responsibly and stay faithful. And honestly he would be the first to say that the breaks when Im away, and he can eat PBJ sandwiches for dinner, are refreshing for him too. Oh, good, dont have to worry about Massive Problem A oh hey, Medium Problem B, lets obsessively think about that for ages!. Hehesitated, but agreed.Onthe third day ofthe vacation, his parents, brothers, and their spouses were all sitting atatable outside whileI was preparing afruit salad. And they happen to be adjacent to entertainment options that arent strictly relevant to the business conference. It doesnt mean you dont love him, and it doesnt mean either of you are bad people. Its fine. Most of the shows arent appealing, either, and theyre almost all too expensive. Vegas does business trips right. At least, not something like this, which is a very normal part of having a job. But they are the obvious two and also both hot-button topics on this forum. I am not fond of the recent uptick in stories like this or men and women who wont go on a business lunch alone because its with a member of the opposite sex. And we always get gorgeous hotel rooms for ridiculously cheap. It is a huge trust issue. Group Black's collective includes Essence, The Shade Room and Naturally Curly. People are able to manipulate their therapists, and there are also just plain bad therapists: what if the OPs husband is in therapy already with, for example, a religious provider who reinforces his moralistic fears about Vegas? Last time I was in Vegas (similar situation) I ate at a few off-strip but highly-rated restaurants. Id dump him. You can always spend less at a Days Inn or Holiday Inn or similar 3-star facility. Not a single word uttered). You have three options in how to proceed: (1) You could say no to the trip (a week off can be just impossible to coordinate these days! And plenty of men there without their wives. What about yourself? And companies love it because it tends to be cheaper than other places with similar conveniences. husband doesn t want to go on family vacation I know you know this, Anonymous Poster, but I want to add something to this statement. Nah, its not legal in Reno either their county did not legalize it. My mom too! I worked 100 hours in 8 days. husband doesn t want to go on family vacation. Oh yeah, the concern for your safety. I didnt go on work trips while married to mine, but I remember going on a girls night out (bachelorette party, with a limo to take us places) and him being livid that I didnt call him during the evening to check in. Whats more surprising is that youre the main provider. OPs partners behavior is affecting her directly. We took a shorter trip while he we breastfeeding and and still did it the same. But itseems like they want totake things slowly. This may be the one city where you are on camera every second. Then I realized that he was not being irrational he was worried, and it was not a burden for me just to check in once in awhile, especially if I am on unfamiliar dark roads. Oh, for sure. No, youre absolutely right. Setting up for a convention and working it and then the take down. Many people we know (work, friends, sometimes family) just cant wrap their head around the fact that we dont need to be joined at the hip 24/7 and that were not jealous. Im in business, so of course I know that a lot of conferences and normal things to do there, but its a little disingenuous to claim that a location that intentionally markets itself as Sin City doesnt at least have a rep for vice. I deal with those worries by making sure he has the tools he needs to accommodate those shortcomings, not by hobbling his life. She then decided to keep the baby's gender a secret until it was born. There are broadly different American subcultures because there are just so many people. seriously. Its definitely a huge red flag that your husband takes a winky tongue-in-cheek ad campaign that seriously. You just cant. Yes, marriage counselling. Whats wrong with disembark? Counseling is the best and most realistic option for helping him get into a healthy head space. If the wife approaches it as a joint issue, that demonstrates goodwill rather than blame, and is more likely to get the husband into the therapists office. Oh sure, but thats why I specified business-class rooms, as in the 3.5 or 4-star Hilton/Hyatt/W Hotel, since those are the types of hotels that have attached conference/convention facilities and host large conferences. This is very aptly put Anonymous Poster. With NUNS. There is almost always an office, a security guard, etc. It may not be, in this case. We have a beach house and are splitting the expenses. Its so odd that he seems so fixated on Vegas (which can be perfectly harmless, I went there many times as a small child and turned out just fine). Were in counseling together though, which is one of the reasons hes gotten better. That doesnt mean I believe totally that hubby polled everybody and reports the results fairly, but it really doesnt have to be an indication that he ignored a local majority to find like-minded people. The only thing I dont like about this suggestion is the implication that OPs husband can supervise her to make sure shes not cheating. Nail on head, right here. You go on trips, no one lets you go. Of course, they can be bothbut then IMHO, that boils down to controlling anyway. This. Out of curiosity do you know what the statistics in your area for domestic violence? I had half a day free so I went horseback riding in the desert (which was spectacular and I recommend to anyone). Bartending is legitimate work too. And the entertainment options are essentially endless. And hiking! ^ +1000, this was the most mind-boggling to me as well. Give yourself permission tofeel hurt and angry. Your post will be hidden and deleted by moderators. Ive been to one (and my husband was only jealous of the food), and while I dont like Vegas myself, I cant deny that the Venetian knows how to run a conference. OP, you should look at this exclusively as a problem your husband has, not a problem with work or the relationship. I really dont care if you pitch a fit. Then disengage. So much wow. Never mind that this area was completely safe and middle-class; never mind that the apartment complex had 24-hour security; gated parking; never mind that this Mexican restaurant is not a whole in the wall, is regularly featured on Food Network, and is a regular spot for bringing out-of-town clients for virtually every company in our city. And AP, as your comment captures, and what Alisons advice does, is to put the LW in a position to find out which one it is. They sometimes ask if Im from some sort of obscure cult, or something. Yes, but trailer park crimes are good, upstanding crimes like cooking meth and domestic violence, and obviously those crimes are less dangerous to bystanders than being attacked by a sex criminal just for walking down the street. No, its not, but again Im not just speaking out of my ass here; I have seen similar anxiety issues firsthand. Vegas flights and hotels are cheap compared to anywhere else with their size convention/conference space. I belong to a profession that has an annual convention in Las Vegas. Slot machines are boring, table games make me anxious, I dont like to lose money when I could shop with it instead. It sounds like he may possibly have an anxiety disorder of some type. Hes my partner, not my parent, not my keeper, and Im still a grown ass adult who gets to decide what I do with my life. I also love Vegas. Im almost always jealous of the cool stuff he sees in his job, but I cant imagine being angry or upset about the trips. !1 into a discussion? Based on the way anxiety distorts reality and actual risk, I could easily not allow my children to participate in things or have small measures of independence. Answer (1 of 74): I can explain this with a story, which is below, but basically - you can't change someone else. Everyones mileage will vary of course, but thats the choice I made. Next time, instead ofgoing ontrips together, try eating out orgoing for apicnic. Im so glad to see this response here. And that now his family isdisappointed inme. Ill willingly concede that deglove describes something altogether horrible, but deplane is an idiotic, unnecessary, invented word. That may be an overreaction, but something clearly isnt working between you two, and he sounds emotionally abusive. I think youre right, but it really needs to be highlighted up top: a lot of people tend to think that couples counseling is for us issues, and this is 100% a him issue. I hope he really is as great as you say, and that this is a one-off. The trip should take about 2 and a half hours, but it took about 3 and a half because we had to stop so I could feed my daughter and change her. If someone says they dont want to get married, theres probably a good reason in there. (Pretty sure the best meal Ive had in my life was at a Vegas buffet there was bone marrow covered in like fig sauce and the second or third best was at one of the steakhouses). The follow up is what took it from possible anxiety issue on overdrive to controlling husband for me. Just my two cents. I did business trips to the Middle East. Whats real is my wife is going for a walk in a safe area, shes smart and wouldnt put herself in danger, and the chances of anything happening to her are incredibly low. Note however, I dont think this excuses the employees OR means that its wrong to have a corporate event in Vegas. And not his fault, it was mine! Its partially a trust issue, and partly the horrible stories some people tell themselves. I think you know that all of his fears could happen to you (or be things youd do) wherever you live or any place you travel to. When I was a teen, she wouldnt even let me walk the dog around our boring, gated community if it was dark out. Me doing anything outside of our normal routine puts an additional child care burden on her, and vice versa. Before you talk with your husband, try tounderstand why hedidnt want you there. If all else fails OP can blame in on an alien abduction. I think. Thats what tips me toward the prospect that your husband is on the controlling end of the spectrum and not the real bad anxiety end of the spectrum. Yes. So its not like its all new. If my wife was going off just to gamble and get wasted with other dudes Id be against that too., I highly doubt he posed it as My wifes company keeps taking business trips to Las Vegas. Go. Thank you, other wise my husband is very supportive. I remember being like, What would I even DO with all this space? ha! Thats what I was thinking. Why wont he go on the trip with you? My husband still asks sometimes if hes allowed to go do things, like go to the pub with his friends without me, and it irks me because even though I know hes joking I dont like that he even pretends that I am a stereotypical ball and chain. We strive to provide you with a high quality community experience. We did it almost two weeks ago and it took about 14 hours, and now we're headed home. I am sitting in my car at the airport catching up on AAM before I get back to life and guess where I came from? arent at all limited to Vegas. But he is controlling. Last year when she went not only did I work my 2 jobs but I tiled our laundry room to stay busy and keep my mind on things. And nobody is reasonably going to crazy drug orgies where they might be at risk, during a work event. Maybe there are some things about himself orhis relationship with you that need some work. You can use this space to go into a little more detail about your company. I went to Vegas last year and didnt do anything Vegas-y, other than see one show. (Be prepared to be as fair-minded when it is your . or is it not? They are readily available and heavily marketeda sudden whim or fancy could be a reality very quickly. Often to far away and less-than-ideal places, safety-wise, sometimes for 2+ weeks at a time, and pretty frequently alone. Its notable that he took a of survey of other people to bolster his position. From the outside, his train of thought is totally irrational. My associatons annual conference rotates between about six places, and even in big cities like Chicago and Philly we need to use three nearby hotels to have enough meeting rooms and hotel rooms. They can also get into trouble in their own hometown. I wear a light, carry a phone, and stay in my neighborhood where I know whats normal and whats not til the sun goes up. And theres more but I here these comments and the whole story wasnt told. Doesnt really matter. Sorry, that isnt useful. I know its easier to say Leave him! to someone else than it is to actually leave your spouse but please know that leaving him over this would not be an overreaction. You dont deserve to be treated that way. Most of them. Could be true. I couldnt be with someone this domineering and controlling. He asks that I check in with him once or twice a day for hi-and-I-love-you. Yeah, Vegas is like Disneyland now. It took getting out (and lots of tears, letting some of the love-roots pull out from my heart with time and distance, and lots of therapy) to realize that he really was some of those things and others he wasnt, but it was irrelevant because he was still hurting me. Yeah, this. But not wholesome. In Vegas, these things are part of the fabric of the city. I really hope he is able to get help and you are both able to get to a better way of engaging with each other on this. Well, they need to work on their relationship. Also, if youre like me and my Mother, your emotional reactions could spiral his emotions up, until youre making each other worse. Try to stop expecting reasonable behaviour from your spouse when hes in this anxious state. Last time you went on a business trip, you spent the entire time dealing with his feelings about it instead of focusing of what you were actually there to do. Youre five minutes late? We have tracks and the OTB, there are also lots of easy-to-locate poker games that are semi-legal. The following photos show exactly what can go wrong when you try to take a family photo. At the time, we had 3 kids and they were around 5, 3, and 18 months. Having just returned from an exhausting but informative 3-day event in Las Vegas let me assure you when youre at the conference center/hotels there is security up the wahzoo and those folks are awesome. Businesses plan conferences in Las Vegas because the rooms are dirt cheap, not because theyre planning some sort of raucous party. Dont let his fear poison that for you, it wont end well for your happiness or well being. You dont get PERMISSION, you agree that something is good, or you dont, but this bs about him letting you go on a work trip is just gross. We stayed at the Excalibur (the kids LOVED staying in a castle, saw the jousting show, the MGM Lions, the aquarium at Mandalay Bay, and we also took them to play games at Circus Circus. should I tell my coworker about our colleagues criminal record, I deeply regret joining my companys leadership program, and more, my company is cutting my overworked teams pay as punishment for mistakes. Rooms were kinda cheap, and Im sure the convention center was cheap. Yeah, Vegas can be a skeezy place but I havent found it to be any worse than LA, Nashville, Cincinnati, New York, Seattle, Boston, or any of the other cities Ive been to. I might include a warning when I announce the event though thats like, even though this event is in Las Vegas, XCorp still expects its employees to hold themselves to our high standard of professionalism or whatever. Possibly the same people who dont think they should ever be in a one-on-one meeting or dinner with a co-worker of the opposite sex. Go on your trip! Ifthis isjust aone-time thing, and heusually shares himself freely with you, then itmay betime for him tolook atwhy hedidnt want you there inthe first place. Exactly. Ive been to Vegas. Jeez, we all married the same guy. The irony is, for business trips, Vegas is essentially Disney. This is great, Anon Poster. My husband never wants to go out and do things. I have to beg - Quora Abusers often (successfully!) His friends also wouldnt let their wives go? But I loved him, and thought accepting his proposal would reassure him of my love and commitment. But theres no need to snark at me for making/agreeing with a suggestion. When you try to say you wont let me do something, that tells me that you think Im too incompetent to make an appropriate choice on my own, which is really disrespectful. When my spouse was almost sent overseas on a long term work trip, I actually offered to go with him (and pay my own way) not because I was worried hed get up to something without being supervised, but because I travel frequently for work and he almost never does, so it seemed like the easiest way for me to just take care of stuff so that he wasnt stranded in a foreign airport without knowing what to do or how to make a phone call. I havent missed a day other than scheduled vacation. I go to Vegas twice a year for fun, and while you can get into the seedier side of it IF YOU WANT TO, its also very, VERY easy to not get into it all. Vegas isnt a magical dimension. I stayed once at Palms Place, the long-term stay part of the Palms that is set up like studio apartments with full kitchens. For the more immediate concerns, maybe you could also suggest scheduling a phone call every night or something to help put his mind at ease, and that yall meet with a counselor to help work through his concerns. He says its specific to Vegas, but its possible that hed be anxious no matter where OP went. This is not helpful to the conversation, but seeing posts like this always remind me of a relationship I got out of many years ago (just 3 months before our wedding date!) Best of luck to you, LW. I have the same problem and have since I was a child. Contributors control their own work and . Its not like people are forced at gunpoint to have sex with a rando when they deplane at McCarran. sienna plantation inventory homes; masters in international law and diplomacy; is daffodil water poisonous; This is bound to make them curious and excited. Someone this uptight probably doesnt have friends. I would have not reacted well to this if I were the best friend. The second I walked in the front door I thought this is exactly the type of place where the murder of the week happens in almost every episode. I suppose, trying to be as charitable as possible, I would agree that Vegas has kind of a skeezy reputation and I would prefer a reputable company to do the trip somewhere more wholesome. Two birds one stone! Maybe hes wrapping that insecurity in fears of what might happen so he doesnt have to address the real issue. They plan conferences there because its generally inexpensive, tons of rooms and restaurants, and its extremely easy to get aroundno real need for ground transportation besides getting to and from the airport. It turned out that this was part of a larger problem he would call her every ten minutes at her desk at work too, and if she didnt answer, he would have her paged over the intercom. OP will just run herself ragged reinforcing his fears. My husband knows I am a lone soul sometimes and love my exciting career.
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