They must be educated through different seminars and programs to cope with the stress and manage other consequences of polygamy. Polygamy; Antecedents of Polygamy; Outcomes of Polygamy; Coping Strategies of Co-wives. Mrs. Abdullah also had a love marriage. 2231-7791 Copyright 2023, Department of psychiatry, Institute of Applied Psychology University of Punjab, Lahore, Pakistan. These are jealousy, poor marital satisfaction, unhealthy competition, lack of trust, and many other mental health problems [12]. Unless of great importance or a family-related event, we rarely attended the same social event together with our husband.. This can lead to a much-known phenomenon known as the second wife syndrome. Here are some signs that you have allowed the second wife syndrome to fester in your home: Being a second wife to a married man can be overwhelming, and if you are not cautious enough, you might find yourself stuck in a loop of insecurities. "I have no physical disability that perhaps could've prompted his decision, he just decided that he needed a second wife," she says. I will make another video using your. International Journal of Social Psychiatry. For 14 free days, you can have access to a world of in-depth analyses, investigative journalism, top opinions and a range of features. In all the other cases of infertility, family pressure was the main factor despite childlessness (Table 1). It's like when you are a kid, and you have had the same best friend since you were a baby; then, suddenly, in high school, you have a new best friend. 2. Second theme: outcomes of polygamy as jealousy, unhappiness, and loneliness due to injustice, by the spouse were explored as potential pitfalls of polygamy. 1. This prompted one Javed to petition the Supreme Court that since Muslim. After the wedding they all moved into a bigger house with cottages at the back for the children. When he proposed to her she first came to me to check if he had my blessing. Community awareness of the effects of polygamy on women through media campaigns is a beginning step. Somehow, you probably have always pictured someone who has never been married. In addition, the interpretive phenomenological analysis (IPA) was used to generate a wide range of perceptions and opinions that women carry out about their experiences in polygamous family structures. Women need to be empowered with education and positive affirmation of self-worth. She had only one daughter. How Is It Different From Marriage Counseling? The Quranic prescription for polygamy suggests that men can marry two, three or four wives (but not the other way round, naturally). The study findings may be inconsistent with the previous one except for the religious factor due to cultural differences. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together. Grab Now! Should second wives post billboards proclaiming that we are not necessarily women who flounce through life wearing ankle bracelets, feather boas, and alligator shoes? The psychological health of women is essential to raising a sound, healthy family and should receive high priority, particularly in developing countries where resources are limited. She was blended with her husband by love marriage. Outcomes of polygamous marriages were a second theme generated by evaluating the relationships of co-wives. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships and is passionate about writing on them. As she said 'I am unable to fulfill the needs or desires of my husband, so I allowed him for 2nd marriage. Mrs. Gulzar who was 36 years first wife told as she came to know her husband has a hidden marriage with Miss Nasreen. 'I've been a second wife for a year and a half. According to Ali Kurbanov, a 27-year-old practicing Muslim who is also looking for a second wife, it is difficult for a woman to agree to her husband's second marriage, however, if a woman. In the long run, it is usually the second wife who is accepting of polygamy. Islam allows for a man to marry up to 4 wives rather illegal relationship. Jealousy: Jealousy is a common response to protect ones relationship [14]. Practicing polygamy as a legal permanent resident can lead to deportation, as can a criminal conviction for bigamy. The average duration of polygamy was about 11 years so most of the co-wives had been accepted co-wives and engaged themselves in several activities and got comfort considering it fate role, religious permission, and compromise for the sake of their children's future rather than divorce. She told when her husband introduced her to the other co-wives, in the beginning, they both cursed me but later they made a compromise and accepted her. When your friends talk about Christmas and having the whole family there togetheryoure over there thinking, The ex has the kids for Christmas Bummer. In times of uncertainty you need journalism you can trust. She has been married for 40 years. READ MORE:Customary law know your rights. At that time her 3rd husband supported her emotionally and financially. International Nursing Review. Theyd been happily married for 15 years when she received the shock of her life. All the above shows that there is really no marriage between the both parties. Old Medication, New Use: Can Prazosin Curb Drinking? Women experienced various degrees of emotional difficulties including jealousy, unhappiness, loneliness, and lack of intimacy with their spouses. Consent i s the keyword. All interviews were audio-taped, transcribed verbatim, and were then analyzed by interpretive phenomenological analysis. He enters willingly, eyes open, arms spread--he's the emotional version of a skydiver. Second marriages also have a much larger cast of characters than any first marriage. Disadvantages (Demerits) Of Polygamous Marriage 1. My husband is as much a second husband as Im a second wife. Then there is the hardship of making a living by yourself as a single person. Her in-laws forced her husband to marry another female because of only female children. Changes to the law have meant that women in customary marriages now have more protection than before. She had a male child during the interview. READ MORE:After Criselda Dudumashe recently shared how her husband allegedly beat her up we thought we'd remind women how they can seek help. The interviews were verified for accuracy and consistency by listening to the recordings. Which Board Game Sums Up Your Life: "Aggravation"? You didnt grow up thinking; I cant wait until I meet a divorced man! She also said, "'my children and 1 should get a fair and deserving share of the marriage and properties". She should approach him first and address the issue, Maphalala suggests. My first marriage--even though it lasted five years--did not. 2016; 22(3): 272-286. The Journal of Social Psychology. What Is Marriage Coaching? Objectives: The study investigated the causes of polygamy, outcomes, and women's coping strategies to deal with co-wives relationships. Azad Chaiwala says he first "came out" as polygamous when he was just 12 . 2008; 42(2), 103-117. Im in computer programming, which should tell you how much I love interacting with people, he says with a laugh. Method: Exploratory qualitative method was used. Kadyrov's second wife also has a place to stay in Moscow, with three apartments registered in her name. But after few months it was disclosed. So, I was second selection of my in-laws." 70% of those second marriages end in divorce. She always imposes a fine of 5,000 Malaysian ringgit (around $1,700) and six strikes of a cane. So infertility and no male child is the main factor to permit polygamy by the wives [8]. Most women dreaming of settling down probably aren't imagining doing so with a man who is already married. Family Process. Mrs. Mustafa said, she approved and permitted her husband to 2nd marriage. She met Mr. Kamran 6 years back and married her after falling in love. Treating me with the resentment of a union official watching a house being constructed with non-union labor, my erstwhile friend watched me build up and remodel my life. Therefore, in line with the objectives of this study, qualitative interviews were a superlative choice for inductive approaches aimed at generating concepts and hypotheses that have far more potential for research than any other model. It was a love marriage. First theme: reasons of polygamy as findings indicated that majority of females allowed their husbands for co-wives due to infertility or having only female children, husbands love marriage, and in-laws family pressure because they wanted to secure their marriage instead of divorce. Limited-Time Deal on Marriage Course. A Tajik court found him guilty of polygamy and of driving her to suicide, but spared him a jail sentence and ordered him to pay a $1,300 fine. Both verbal and written consent was obtained. She tried her best to convince her husband not to get married to another woman but she was not succeeded. Cecilia says her husband married a second wife purely for his own physical desires and greed. Confidentiality of the data was ensured to all the participants. 3.What were the coping strategies which you used to accept the co-wives relationship? They get along because this is normal to them they have agreed to it., We live in a world where facts and fiction get blurred. Carol Lynn Pearson's new book argues that many, if not most, Mormon women feel pain and fear at the prospect of sharing their husbands with at . But Thembi* (the second wife) shocked our husband and decided to stay in the main house with Thamsanqa. They each have their separate rooms, and their husband alternates time spent between them equally. The strength of the study is an attempt to seek the coping strategies of co-wives to deal with such relationships in the Pakistani context. In many typical cultures like India, China, and Pakistan infanticide is a very common practice despite an illegal and social evil [5-7]. Reviewed by Lybi Ma. Growing up my mother was abused by my father, Thembi says as she wipes away a tear. Al-Sharfi M, Pfeffer K, Miller KA. There are many stereotypes associated with being a second wife. Also watch: A guide for second wives to create a happy blended family. Then there are the kids. Polygamous women though claimed that polygamy has disadvantages but to them, divorce is not an option. No one does; no little girl longs to grow up and walk down the aisle to the strains of "Here Comes the Second Bride, All Dressed in an Ivory Suit." She has never absolved me from the sin of being happy. What's popular and why. I told her that if it was going to make her unhappy I would forget about the whole idea. Different coping strategies have been explored to deal with the co-wives relationship by women to share their mutual husbands. An analysis of 11 cases of polygamous women transcribed verbatim showed a cluster of themes as infertility or having only female children, love marriage of husband, family pressure, the relationships among co-wives, and their coping strategies to accept this relationship in their marital life. Further, they accepted co-wives as fate roles and made compromises rather than separation in most of the wives even they had kids. Divorce can be an expensive proposition. All of that financial mess can translate into a financially difficult second marriage. The advantages of polygamy were included sharing in-house responsibilities and child-rearing. She said, I don't think I was the one that could not have children. How Psychologically Conditioned Rats Are Defusing Landmines, The Innate Intelligence Observed in the Dying Process. This is by far the most common (and the most frequently legal) form of polygamy. The sensitivity and the comfort level of discussing polygyny may have affected the sample size. Another common stereotype that is associated with females is to give birth to only female children which increasing the ratio of female infanticide because some men are in favor of only male children. But Im his last.. She said, "1st wife of my husband is working so 2nd wife of my husband and I used to manage the household chores. She described that she was completely alone with her daughters after her husband's second marriage. Mrs. Kamal due to the age factor she was very distressed at the time of her husbands' 2nd marriage but with time she accepted this relationship and had a good relation with 2nd wife and with her children. She also never tried to snatch her husband from the previous co-wives as she said in her religion the Holy Book says A man can marry women of his choice two or three or four, but there must be justice and equality otherwise only one is enough". , each person taking on whatever debt there is, plus paying attorney fees, etc. She said being Muslim I should follow and admit the true teachings of Islam." Christmas and having the whole family there together. In Muslim families the textual basis is provided by the Holy Quran for the practice of polygamy: "Marry women of your choice two, or three, or four, but if ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly (with them) then only one". Some second wives may have unknowingly become #2 and had thought they were in monogamy, until the husband plucks up the courage to reveal they have . Three themes emerged from the study based on findings. Maybe it was because I didnt have anyone in mind when I approached her I wasnt cheating on my wife, Id never do that.. READ MORE:Surviving a polygamous marriage. They adhere to the rules that all three of us set for them, like normal children. Zakhele walks in with his youngest brother, Thembekile*, 2, in his arms. Even though there can be many advantages of being a second wife, you might feel inadequate when filling the spaces left behind by the ex-wife and kids. I couldn't sleep properly, I was crying.'. In the modern-day polygamy is not as much disputed as in the past. A lady was working in front of her husbands' clinic and usually visited the clinic. You know, its so sad because the new wives are also being treated horribly by my father but theyre too proud to talk to my mother because of the way they mistreated her.. "We injoi it and feele to prase the Lord." The surprise is this: when the moment comes, the man jumps with alacrity. If the person in the second marriage who was married before didnt have children, then chances are they never have to even talk to their ex again. One female Mrs. Abdullah was feeding a new born baby she was 3rd wife of her husband. Al-Krenawi A, Slonim-Nevo V. Psychosocial and familial functioning of children from polygynous and monogamous families. Are self-compassionate partners less jealous? She said that time was very painful for me and my little daughters. Data collection was not collected scientific way because of qualitative study and the findings cannot be generalized beyond the women in this study [24,25]. 2019; 86(3): 1332-1370. Unhappiness and loneliness: Mrs. Gulzar was unhappy about a lot of things in the marriage. Theyre all equal and these two women are their mothers equally. In this concern two research experts (co-authors) were consulted. Being a second wife and a stepmother is rather like learning to perfect a set of aerial maneuvers. She said, there was a time when I thought no one in the world was in my favor except God". Mrs. Amir (second wife) and Mrs. Kamal (first wife) were felt lonelier and criticized by their family because of infertility and the new wives were getting more privilege socially and financially because of having children. Literature indicates that the structure of the polygamous women's families badly affected the psychological and social functioning of polygamous women and children [9-11]. No, it is illegal.Under Section 494 of the Indian Penal Code, if a person marries a second time, without a divorce, while their spouse is alive, the marriage is considered bigamy, which is a punishable offense. The purpose of this study is to investigate married womens experiences in polygamous marriages and their ways of coping to accept this relationship. Shes a nurse, not one of those rude ones, and she was kind and very helpful. Life as a co-wife wasn't easy for Cecilia; she started being mistreated by the second wife. She told her a tragic story. Too many people are dying because of the conflict between monogamy and polygamy. Polyamory is not just about sex, both Farmer and Schippers point out, whereas open marriages, open relationships and swinging tend to emphasize the sexual parts of a relationship. Though later on, she had a good relation with 2nd wife. Mrs. Abdullah also told though they have minor disputes among co-wives still they help each other. Method: Exploratory qualitative method was used. A man and his second wife in Pakistan tell of their daily fear of being killed by assassins at the behest of their families. Can I marry second wife? A sample of 11 polygamous women was included through snowball sampling from the different cities of the province of Punjab, Pakistan with an age range of 18-50 years. He dearly loved his wife, Mary Ann Angell. These themes emerged in 3 main themes as Causes of polygamy, outcomes of polygamy, and coping strategies of polygamous women. I knew society is very cruel and it would be very tough for me to bring up them without father." There are seriously complicated stunts involved-- trapeze artists have less difficulty in learning when to disappear and resurface at exactly the right moments than your average second wife. Seven women were single before marriage, while two were divorced and two were widowed. Prevalence of mental health problems in women in polygamous versus monogamous marriages: A systematic review and meta-analysis. Polygamy has become common practice in many communities including Pakistan. It protects the families from contracting sexually transmitted diseases and possible deviation to an illegal sexual association [3]. Divorce can be an expensive proposition. The majority of Muslims have accepted official polygamy. Ja, I like these young ones, Lillian interrupts and they all laugh. Challenges of Polygamy Partiality of husbands: this is where. While a second marriage can be successful, its still a relationship composed of two imperfect people. But in Pakistan and Iran, only consent is required from the first wife and need to show it in the court as proof for the second wife. 2006; 52(1): 5-17. She stated, When I allowed my husband to marry a second wife, then God blessed me to have a child (translated from Urdu to English). Emerging broken, bruised and bleeding from a previous fall when the parachute didnt quite open, he is nevertheless willing to do it again and at an even greater risk-- everyone knows second marriages are risky. She also stated that "whenever I am depressed, I am used to saying my prayers and get relief because divorce is not an option for me." Many people think bigamy and polygamy mean the same thing . He didn't want to leave his first wife because they had already had 4 children together. A few years ago, her mother was killed in a car accident. One of the disadvantages of being a second wife is that for some reason, 2. Ashraf story mirrors that of 25% of Egyptian husbands who, according to statistics provided by the National Centre for Sociological and Criminological Research (NCSCR), take on a second wife within three years of their marriage. I live in a rented flat and pay half the rent. And it can get particularly difficult when it comes to discipline. 2009; 103(1): 17-29. When people. They were much younger than my mother, just eight years older than me. She does not have an apartment . Lateron, both married. Being a step-parent can be a very . Your wedding is your wedding and you can do whatever you want. It means if your husband is a citizen or green card holder, he. Obviously, it doesnt mean your marriage will end, just that it is more likely to than the first. ASEAN Journal of Psychiatry (MyCite Report). I'm seven months pregnant. Al-Krenawi A, Slonim-Nevo V. Success and failure among polygamous families: The experience of wives, husbands, and children. Yet we make as felicitous a stepfamily as you are likely to find. You are a little older now, and you learned some harsh realities. She said, "We both share the housework and I always take care of her children". When even used-car dealers dont regard themselves as purveyors of second-hand merchandise, when second-hand clothes stores are now consignment shops, why should I stick with the second-wife moniker? To evaluate the outcomes of the relationship between co-wives. As some statistics have it, we are one in every four married women you will meet. Mrs. Kamal reported "in the beginning when I thought about the second wife, I engaged myself in different activities because it always hurt me." It doesnt mean that it wont last. He may be wounded and certain things may trigger an emotional response, such as . She was living with her husband first 10 years of her marriage. I was 14 when mom and dad told us Mam Thembi would be our second mother. Being a second wife and a stepmother is rather like learning to perfect a set of aerial maneuvers. Lillian had twins Zakhele* and Zanele* (now 39), and thought she and her husband were happy. Now the first wife has no say. She was living with her in-laws and never allowed her husband to live with his second wife in the same household. duck ragu recipe jamie oliver,
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